Colliding Worlds
by amani
Summary: What if Bardiel hadn't actually surfaced at Unit-03's activation? What if he had lain low? Can a change today save a tragedy?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own NGE, sorry. ^_^ Give all that credit to Gainax! The only thing I own is…um…well, in my mind the original story is mine. Other that that…zippo. ;)

"Connecting nerve transmissions. Connection complete. Activating power. Activation complete. Receiving harmonics data...harmonics at 18.3%."

Misato didn't realize she was holding her breath until she released it in relief. She wiped her slick forehead with the back of her hand. She gave a nervous grin to her friend beside her.

"Well, I suppose that went well?"

"We're quite lucky that his harmonics are above 10%, and that he can actually synchronize," Ritsuko replied, seemingly casual, but Misato could see the slight release of her shoulders as she let them droop in relaxation.

"That all the information you have for us, Maya?" she questioned.

"Yes Major. Unit-03 has activated."

+++

"So, Touji, how does it feel?" Misato rolled up the sleeves of her jacket, damp and hot from sweat. The black-haired boy in question unconsciously ran a hand down the side of his hair thoughtfully.

"It's...different. But I think I'm alright, Misa--I mean, Major."

"Don't worry about it. But right now I need you to concentrate, Touji. Once you are synchronized with the Eva, you are basically one being. By a mixture of thought and the controls at your hands, you make the Eva move. You have complete control. But this also causes you to feel all pressure applied to the Eva."

"Pressure?"

Misato winced; she honestly didn't want to bring Touji into this. She was rather fond of the boy. "You'll feel pain, Touji."

There was a long pause from the other line until he responded.

"Alright. What do you want me to do?"

He's so young...but so stubborn...

"Concentrate, like I said before. Just...relax."

She watched his image, as he closed his eyes. She could see the small releases of tension in his form. No wonder, she thought. He's the one who really understands without even piloting or being involved. He knew the risks he was taking.

"All for his sister..." She shook her head in amazement. He had an almost foolish sense of loyalty.

"Harmonics at 18.5%," was announced.

"You're doing great, Touji," Misato said warmly. "Just relax...this has to become second nature. The first time will always be the lowest score. Once you settle in this time, that score will be recorded as the first synchronization rate of Suzuhara Touji."

+++

Touji wished he had something better to tell Misato. In truth, it didn't feel WRONG in Unit-03, as he had suspected. But it still felt...off. He felt uncomfortable in the LCL, for one thing. But Unit-03 itself...he couldn't describe it, really. But he felt as if he wasn't along, as if there was someone else there. But he felt it best not to say anything, though. Probably just his imagination.

"Concentrate," he heard Misato repeat over the intercom for what he felt was the millionth time.

"I'm trying!" he finally snapped back at her, opening an eye to see her image start, then smile slightly.

"Sorry, Touji. I guess I'm just nervous myself."

He didn't answer that, but tried to concentrate even more. But then again, what was he supposed to concentrate ON? He wasn't moving the Eva yet, so he didn't need to concentrate on doing something with it. Should he concentrate on...settling, in the Eva? But how did you go around doing that?

He gave a sigh of frustration, and closed his eyes once more. He tried to concentrate on simply coming into a complete relaxed, accepting state of mind. He felt every muscle fiber loosen, felt his heart beat slower, his breathing become deeper. He felt himself go past all outside awareness, felt himself slip into a state in between consciousness and unconsciousness. And then he was engulfed.

+++

Touji felt his eyes flutter open, to a bland ceiling with a single, sickly dull light. For years ahead, he would be able to recall the first thought that came to his mind.

"What an ugly ceiling."

He sat up in the bed, rubbing his forehead with one hand, while leaning his weight on the other. He tugged the neck of his hospital robe into his sight, and sighed in annoyance.

"Must be the infirmary," he muttered, starting to lower his hand, but brought it swiftly back under his nose. He gave a small sound of disgust.

"...it smells like blood."

He dropped back down to the pillow with a loud thump, giving another sigh.

"I don't know how you do it, Shinji..."

The ugly light shone on.

"Or, God help me...how I will."

+++

Touji felt himself being engulfed, being robbed of all control of his body. He felt memories torn from his mind, to be watched by something else.

He felt strong memories replayed, memories of his mother dying, of utter rage at Shinji for piloting his first time, feelings when he saw Hikari...and then, his scenes of strongest emotion looked at yet again. His mother's death. His sister's crippling. All the strong, uncontrollable negative feelings. But still...those boyish glimpses of Misato, feelings of light-headedness at the sight of Hikari. All powerful emotions. But who was watching them?

He watched those memories played over and over. Birthdays. Moving. Friends. Girls. Death. Helplessness.

"Who are you?" he finally yelled, unable to take the interrogation any longer.

He felt a pause, and then a feeling of utter awe overswept him. He could feel the presence now, quite clearly. It was almost...holy. It sent him a message. Not in words, exactly. But he could understand it perfectly, all the same.

I...

Feelings, mixed with glimpses of words. Glimpses of brilliant light, so beautiful that it brought tears to Touji's eyes. Glimpses of beautiful white wings, so pure. Glimpses of a holy place that he did not deserve.

I am Bardiel.

--

Author's Notes!

Hey everyone! This is the start of what I hope shall turn into my first full-length fic! That's right, this is NOT a oneshot! (This coming from THE oneshot author here…). I'm not going to divulge the plot at all, but I will say that I need pre-readers, to help me edit my drafts before I post! Interested, email me at amani1@home.com!


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own NGE, sorry. ^_^ Give all that credit to Gainax! The only thing I own is…um…well, in my mind the original story is mine. Other that that…zippo. ;)

Shinji walked along the sidewalk, his head bent down as he watched himself place one foot in front of the other. Though it could hardly be described as walking. More like plodding, he thought to himself. But there was quite an excellent reason that he was plodding instead of walking, with his eyes on the view AHEAD of him.

"God, why do you have to walk so slow?" Shinji glanced up to see the annoyed face of Miss Asuka Langley Sohryu looking back at him over her shoulder in annoyance.

"At that rate, you'll be to the Geofront by NIGHTFALL, baka!" She looked back ahead of her, but continued to berate him with her back turned. Shinji gave a slight sigh, but there wasn't much else he could do. He would rather take this verbal abuse than the physical abuse she sometimes dealt out.

After a few minutes her voice trailed off, and Shinji couldn't tell if she had simply grown tired of his lack of response, or run out of things to yell at him for.

"I..." he began, but then cut himself short. No use starting ANOTHER round from Asuka.

"What was that?" she questioned, with a slight edge that made it almost a demand.

"I...heard we were going to meet the Fourth Child today. I was just wondering...who it will be."

He looked up to find her standing in front of him, in open-mouthed amazement.

"You...you mean you don't KNOW?!" she asked incredulously.

"Ah...no. Do you?"

"I...no, of course not. I just thought that would tell YOU, being the Invincible Shinji, their NUMBER ONE pilot."

Shinji winced visibly. He knew she used that title to scorn him for his incompetence during his last mission, where his brash impatience had nearly cost him his sanity, and even his life.

"Well...they didn't," he said, and fell silent after that.

The walk continued on in silence, and neither of the two made any attempt at conversation, all the way to the upper entrance of the Geofront. Swiping her card through the scanner purposely, Asuka chanced a look of superiority back at Shinji before she walked through the gate. The boy sighed yet again, swiping his own security card through.

The two made their way down the hallway, stopping as they came to the lockers. Asuka opened the door to the girls' locker room, entering without pause. Shinji hesitated before the door, deep in thought.

Maybe he's already here, he thought. Maybe he's inside right now. Shinji bit his lip, gathering his courage, before stepping forward and entering.

American, probably, he thought. It WAS an American Eva. He stepped in.

"Hel...hello?" he called out hesitantly. A quick glance proved the room to be empty. Either the new pilot had already changed, or had yet to arrive, more likely. Shinji released his breath, reaching into his locker for his plug suit. He stripped himself, folding his clothes neatly. Pulling on the loose plug suit, he turned at a sound from the door. Actually, he had just pressed the button on his wrist to tighten the suit when he saw who it was.

He could remember it perfectly, hear his thoughts with crystal clarity.

No! he screamed silently in his head. Oh, dear God, NO!

"Oh God," he croaked, surprised to hear his own voice. "Please, no...please..." His knees were weak, and he felt that he should sit down, but was not able to bring himself to move. His body seemed quite stubborn, though, and he could subconsciously feel himself falling. He sensed a grip on his arm, felt himself lifted, and was staring into the soft brown eyes of Touji Suzuhara, his best friend.

"No, Touji, you can't! You CAN'T, don't you understand? It'll destroy you, it'll rip you apart just like every other person who comes! You have to leave! Now, before--"

Touji gripped Shinji's shoulders, shaking him roughly until his friend quieted.

"Shinji, you have to calm down. You can't protect me from this. I have to do this. You don't understand, I HAVE to."

"Tou--"

"If I don't...she could never walk again."

"She...your sister? You mean..."

"Nerv's private hospitals are the best. If there's any chance she'll walk again, it's here. But only if I pilot."

"Only if you pilot..." Shinji repeated slowly, forced through the knot in his throat.

"I...I'm sorry, Shinji," Touji whispered. "I really am, but...it's HER...she's all I have left in the world, besides my father."

"Yes...I understand. But Touji?"

"Yea?"

"I'm sorry, too."

Touji stood there for a moment, and Shinji could see the struggle behind his friend's eyes. Touji had never been one for hiding his emotions. He had never needed to.

"I should change," he finally said, turning to the locker newly marked "Suzuhara." It was there if Shinji had only seen. Touji pulled out the dark navy plug suit, starting to strip from his normal uniform. Shinji sat silently, his fingers gripping his knees tightly.

"Shinji," he heard, and looked up to see Touji at the door. The new pilot gave an uneasy smile. "I don't quite know my way around this place." Shinji heard the unspoken question in his friend's voice, and stood. As they both walked through the door, exiting from the opposite side was Rei Ayanami. She gave them a blank stare, looking over both of them before turning to start down the hallway. Touji gave an exaggerated shudder at her departure.

"Geez, she sure is creepy sometimes!" Touji conversed in the elevator, trying to lift his friend's spirit while still weighted down with his own.

"Who?"

"Duh, Ikari! Ayanami! Y'know, pale girl, never talks..."

"Oh," Shinji said simply. "I guess."

Touji glanced over in annoyance, his chin jutted out. He gave an exasperated sigh and threw up his hands.

"Look, Shinji, I wouldn't have to do it if I didn't HAVE to!"

"I...I guess."

"You're IMPOSSIBLE!"

"Sorry."

Touji gave another sigh of annoyance. As they came to the cages, the doors opened, and Shinji saw it for the first time.

It was completely black, but for two white stripes down either shoulder, much like Touji's jacket, Shinji noted fearfully. In design, it was mostly similar to Unit-02. Shinji turned to ask Touji about it, but saw that he was staring at Unit-03 intently. Shinji couldn't quite place the expression, but it seemed somewhere in between anticipation and...fear? Shinji gazed at Unit-03 in interest. What WAS it?

"Something happened," Touji said quietly, almost a whisper, as if he had read Shinji's mind.

"What?"

"During the activation test. It wasn't BAD...well, in the sense that I wasn't harmed. But...it didn't seem good, either."

"What happened?"

"He took me. There's someone inside."

Shinji nearly choked. "He?"

"Yes. Bardiel."

Shinji watched Touji then, saw the increase in slight movements, the tightened shoulders and fists. He didn't speak anymore after that.

Rei was already in Unit-00. Shinji couldn't explain it, but he could always tell when a Unit was activated. It was simply like telling a dead body from a living one. It was just...alive.

Shinji watched Touji walk down the side of the umbilical bridge to the elevator up to Unit-03's dark face, at the back of which, right at the joint between head and neck, the entry plug awaited. Seeing his friend safely into the elevator, Shinji continued the walk to the next cage, and his own Unit-01. He boarded the entry plug, and listened as the radio channels opened with a flux of power.

"Connecting nerve transmissions. Lifesigns stable. Harmonics stable. Unit-01 has activated."

Shinji opened his eyes, feeling the familiar connection that was soul-deep, but that he could not explain to anyone else. Then again, he had never tried.

"Has...Unit-03 been activated yet?" Shinji questioned.

"No," Misato answered over the radio. "Asuka hasn't arrived at the Cages yet. We're...not going to activate Unit-03 until all the other Units are activated."

"Just in case..." Shinji whispered to himself. "We're a precaution."

"I can't believe we have to do this just to BABYSIT!" Asuka had arrived.

"This is Pilot Suzuhara's first training session. We are necessary for our own safety as well as his. He has never even tried to move Unit-03, merely activate it," Rei explained quietly.

"HONESTLY! Wasting MY amazing talents on THAT dork's WALKING lessons! Mein Gott..."

"Silence, please."

Shinji bit his lip to keep from commenting when he saw Asuka's image stick out her tongue to the First Child.

Shinji did his best to ignore the complaints of Asuka, instead deciding to bring up an image of Touji. Within a heartbeat, a tiny window appeared in the cockpit, and Shinji saw the familiar face of his friend. Touji was seated calmly, but his eyes were wandering all over the entry plug in interest. No wonder, Shinji thought. He had seen Unit-01's entry plug once, and that hadn't even been in the position of the pilot. He had only ACTIVATED Unit-03.

"Lifesigns stable. Respiration and heart rate slightly increased. Nothing abnormal." Shinji was brought to attention at Lieutenant Ibuki's voice. No wonder, he thought. I was nervous MY first time, too.

"Harmonics are normal. Connecting neural transmissions. Everything appears to be normal."

Appearances can be deceiving, Ritsuko thought in the Control Center.

"Connect the main power supply."

"Connecting main power supply," Maya conceded. "Harmonics approaching absolute borderline in 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...absolute borderline crossed. Unit-03 has activated. Synchronization at 20.7%."

20.7%...it was rather lower. Then again, it was an amazing feat that Shinji had his rate at 40% HIS first time.

"Good job Touji," Misato complimented warmly. "All Units, prepare for launch within Geofront."

Shinji felt the familiar, sudden rush as Unit-01 was launched. The gate lowered as they reached the Geofront, and Shinji saw the familiar horizon. Trees dotted the distance, and lucious green grass covered the hillsides.

He turned his head to see the others arrive. Asuka and Rei both stepped out, but he saw Touji remain.

"Alright, Touji. First we're just going to try walking. Ritsuko will do her best to try to instruct you. Ritsuko?"

"Touji, the Eva works with a mixture of mental and physical commands, but the more important is mental. You have to concentrate on being one with the essence of the Eva. It's ALIVE. The more deeply you can become synchronized with it, the less physical involvement is needed. Do you understand?"

"I...I think so."

"Good. Then let's try walking. Concentrate on simply moving the leg first."

Shinji saw Unit-03, and could tell Touji was struggling. He also saw no movement.

"It's just like the normal mental function. Don't think ABOUT walking, just do it."

"Okay."

"Just walk."

Shinji watched intently, and jumped into a position to steady his friend at the first sign of movement. It was a small twitch of the arm first, but then the leg began to move, slowly. It moved slowly out, and then slammed back to the ground with a resonating crash. Shinji winced at the slow, heavy step, but his eyes widened as he saw Unit-03 hadn't stopped moving. It's weight was still taking it slowly forward. Shinji moved forward quickly, catching Unit-03 in mid-fall.

"Uh...thanks Shinji," Touji muttered embaressedly. Shinji smiled warmly in response.

"Just walk, Touji," he encouraged. After seeing Unit-03 steadily righted, Shinji gave it a pat on the shoulder and stood back.

"Okay...just walk," Touji repeated stubbornly to himself. He always had been as stubborn as a mule. A trait that would most likely only do him good as an Evangelion pilot, Shinji thought.

Inside the entry plug of Unit-03, Touji Suzuhara set his jaw. Just walk, he thought to himself. He closed his eyes, simply seeing himself walking. Down a street, through the park, it didn't matter. Just him...walking. He pulled on the controls slightly, and felt himself move.

"You're doing it!" Shinji exclaimed in excitement. Touji gave a small grin, and opened his eyes. He was walking. Now that he had it, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Just like walking himself.

"Alright then."

"What now?" Touji questioned Dr. Akagi.

"Whatever you wish. You can basically do anything in Unit-03 that you can do yourself. Once you find the connection, you can do anything short of flying."

"Why not?"

"Why not what?"

"Why aren't the Evas able to fly?"

"Well...you see, we don't exactly have the technology. And no matter our technology, it would be very difficult for the pilots mentally. Humans aren't meant to fly, and we really have no idea how. How do you flap wings that you don't have?"

"Oh..." Touji frowned slightly, then shrugged. "Yea, that makes sense."

"Well DUH, Suzuhara!" The angry, contemptuous voice of Asuka came through. "How do you expect us to fly when we've never done it before?! Jeez, what a dumpkoff..."

"Well excuuuuuuuse me!" Touji retorted with passion. "I haven't obsessed over the certain topic my entire life, like SOME people!"

"OBSESSED? How DARE you say something like that about me! Excuse ME for taking some things SERIOUSLY!"

"Seriously? You don't have anything else in your LIFE! Just, 'I'm the Second Child, the Pilot of Unit-02, and the greatest thing on Earth!'" Touji mocked in a high-pitched voice.

"You..you...AAAAUGH! I can't believe you!"

"You're the one who--"

"Would you two shut UP?!"

The two arguers stopped, mid-yell, at the eruption from Major Katsuragi. Her hands were balled in tight fists, her jaw grinding itself together in an effort not to curse.

"Honestly! You'd think you two were five-year-olds, with the way you're acting!"

Asuka gasped indignantly, turning her head up at the insult, but Touji looked apologetic.

"S...Sorry, Major," he mumbled, his eyes down at his feet. Misato sighed slightly.

"It's alright...prepare for re-entry back into headquarters."

"Re-entry?!" Asuka exclaimed. "But we just got out!"

"Prepare for re-entry." Misato's voice was firm, with a tone that brooked no debate.

The Second Child pouted heavily, but consented to moving Unit-02 back onto the launch pad. Unit-01 and Unit-00 were positioned on the launch pads by their pilots as well, but Unit-03 seemed to pause for a moment. Touji looked out through the viewscreen, seeing the simple life that the Geofront sustained. It seemed so different from above ground, but still so much the same. Still, it was beautiful.

And as Touji relaxed into a state of simple admiration of life itself, he felt an abrupt force pulling his mind away from his body, dragging it down, down...

+++

"What the hell is going on? Touji? TOUJI!" Misato nearly screamed into Ritsuko's ear, demanding an explanation, while still yelling for the out-of-contact pilot. Ritsuko winced at the loud obtrusion, looking intently over Maya's shoulder.

"The MAGI aren't able to answer that question at this point in time," Lieutenant Ibuki replied. "We've lost all radio contact with the pilot."

"Eject the entry plug!"

"Negative! Unit-03 is refusing any signal it receives!"

"Get a visual of the entry plug!"

"It's not accepting the command! We're being locked out from the inside?"

"I don't get it..." Misato whispered, stunned. "Why would Touji do anything like this?"

"I don't think Touji is," Ritsuko whispered back.

+++

"What IS this? Who ARE you?"

Touji thought he might feel a wave of some emotion...amusement? Maybe...there was still some sense of awe.

"I have said before. I am Bardiel."

"That's just your name...who ARE you?"

"I am I. I am myself. Isn't that sufficient?"

"Depends on how you look at it," Touji muttered, more to himself than to Bardiel...whoever it was.

"What do you mean by that?" The tone wasn't angry, demanding retribution for an insult. Touji could tell that Bardiel really didn't understand.

"Well...I suppose it IS enough. But that doesn't necessarily mean it satisfies my curiosity."

"Curiosity? Oh, yes...curiosity...you Lilims have such curious...fascinating emotions. Truly...captivating."

"Lilims?"

"Why...of course!" Bardiel exclaimed, truly surprised at this response from Touji. "You are the beings born of Lilith, thus you are the Lilims! You...you did not think I was one of YOU, did I?"

"Well...no, I never did. But still...emotions?"

"Interesting, yes...but no, dear Lilim..." At this Bardiel laughed, his tone becoming almost...haughty. "No, I'm afraid I'm not of your breed. I am something much higher. For I am an Angel of God, one of the chosen Messengers, and I have known nothing but unending bliss in His presence. Still, I envy you, for your strength is your emotion."

"..."

"But I pity you, for it is also your weakness."

+++

Touji awoke with a start, his eyes snapping open to the same dull, sickly light they had opened to the last time he awoke. He almost immediately closed them once again, rubbing his forehead with his hand as he stood up in the hospital bed.

For a few moments, he had the true bliss of ignorance. That is, before the memories rushed back into his brain like a cyclone. And as they did, he pulled the thin sheets closer around himself, and could feel himself doing something he had not done in years.

Touji Suzuhara wrapped himself in false warmth, his mind alight with a false hope, and he wept for the tragedy that was humanity.

Authors Notes: Hmm…I still feel a bit awkward about the beginning of the chapter, but I really liked the ending. I'm still looking for pre-readers! If anyone has thought this fic is interesting at all, and could help me edit for correctness and content, please email me at amani1@home.com!


End file.
